Monday, June 30, 2008

The Music in My Head

Flat out, no competition, KSBJ, is my radio station. Truely...well it's God's, but He lets me claim it as mine.

This year for the 4th year in a row I participated in KSBJ's Sharathon. This is an amazing 3 days of the year when the radio station raises money for operations for the entire year (meaning absolutely NO commercials) and for all sorts of incredible special projects that further the work of the kingdom around the globe. I have had the honor of supporting this radio station for five years and working at Sharathon for four.

Even though I live in Dallas I continue to volunteer as my hope is one day the signal will be strong enough to reach all the way here. Until then I listed by webcast!

Every year, simply gets better.
This year, I was up at 4am to make the drive from The Woodlands to Humble, and start my shift at 5 am. This year, rather than answering phones I volunteered to fill into areas that might need the help of some of the more experienced volunteers. So I started by checking in the phone volunteers and it was fun to see those from previous years, and see how their year had gone. Each year there are a lot of new faces and people to meet and learn about. However, there are also friends from years gone by, and Sharathon is simply a reunion to share all that God has done in our lives!
At around 8 am, I moved into phone central where all the action happens! :) Phone answerers were at every table taking pledges and the DJ's were floating around talking to the audience and the volunteers. I worked at the verifiying table...verifying the pledges that came in and making changes where necessary. Later in the afternoon I was able to do a bit of floating, answering questions of volunteers and spending time with Sharathon friends!
Also, thanks to a webcam set up in Phone central, my parents were able to see me from across the water in Botswana. Everyone got into the fun waving at them and saying "hi mom and dad!" When my dad called my friend Coop (KSBJ's summer intern) waved with me and his mom happened to be watching at the same time. So she texted him "how did you know to wave right then?" We haven't told her that he wasn't waving at her!
Also I started to wonder later what others watching the webcam right at that moment might be thinking...(who is this crazy girl talking on the phone and waving and turning round and round.) ha ha ha
I found myself in some of the photos of the day...they are horrible! I was so exhuausted by the time they got around to capturing my face.
The highlight of my day was my time spent in the Prayer room with the women of Pray the Word Ministries. I have had the honor of praying with and being prayed for by these amazing women. I cannot even begin to express my gratitude for the time spent with me on Friday...praying the words of Jesus over me and reminding me of His unending faithful promises to me and my life. Also teaching me how to pray these things for myself. Thank you Lord for this ministry and the work that you do through them.
The second highlight of my day was getting meet Becky Kankelfritz, I have had the pleasure of getting to know her via her blog and a mutual love of photography this past year. I have also had the distinct honor of getting to pray for her and her sweet family as the Lord walks us through similar lessons on different paths. Becky, I am so excited to continue to develop our friendship!
Our on time God helped us meet our Sharathon goals this year right at the closing minute of this pledge time. I am so thankful for His faithful work in this ministry year after year! I am honored to get to be a part of it!

I can't wait till next year to see what all God has done, in this year of "New Beginnings"

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Jesus YOU be lifted High

I think sometimes the greatest thing that comes from God working in my life is not necessarily the process.
When he has to dig out roots of weeds of doubt, fear, bitterness, and anger that have had years to grow deep, it does not feel good. When I have to face feelings of being unloved, and abandoned and simply unworthy...I also have to face the reasons behind those. Some of those are memories that I don't really care to dredge back up but have to be brought out so they can be purged and burned up in the Refiner's fire.
That weeding, purging and burning up, is not comfortable. Sometimes it is more painful than I imagine that I can bear. However, what I am finding is the beauty of the joy that is within that pain. There is Hope, Restoration, Joy, Peace that goes far beyond what can be explained or imagined.
My desire is to go deeper, to know Him more intimately, to lift Him high as I am brought low.
The words of the song Be Lifted High by Michael W. Smith have resonated over and over and over again in my heart this week.

Sin and its ways grow old
All of my heart turns to stone
And I'm left with no strength to arise
How You need to be lifted high

Sin and its ways lead to pain
Left here with hurt and with shame
So no longer will I leave your side
Jesus, you be lifted high


You be lifted high
You be lifted high
You be lifted high in my life
Oh God
And I fall to my knees
So it's you that they see
Not I

Jesus, you be lifted high

And even now that I'm inside your hands
Help me not to grow prideful again
Don't let me forsake sacrifice
Jesus you be lifted high

And if I'm blessed with the riches of kings
How could I ever think that it was me
For you brought me from darkness to light
Jesus, you be lifted high


You be lifted high
You be lifted high
You be lifted high in my life
Oh God
And I fall to my knees
So it's you that they see
Not I
Jesus, you'll be lifted high

Oh Jesus, you be lifted high
Oh you be lifted high
Oh you be lifted high in my life
Oh God
And I fall to my knees
So it's you that they see
Not I
Jesus, you be lifted high

Monday, June 23, 2008

Do not stop dreaming!

One day your world-peace-dream will inundate the whole world.



Sunday, June 15, 2008

Building things

The beauty of it all is the foundation of godly friendship, the question is what kind of house needs to be built on it. Working with the Master Builder comes with the promise that no matter what the design, it will have walls of love, joy, and hope. Processing, Patience, Time....

Habakkuk 2:1-3
"I will climb up into my watchtower now and wait to see what the Lord will say to me and how he will answer my complaint. Then the Lord said to me, "Write my answer in large, clear letters on a tablet, so that a runner can read it and tell everyone else. But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it will surely take place.It will not be delayed"

Friday, June 13, 2008

God is doing a work

**Editor's note***
I just found where I started a post on 5/29/08 that looks a lot like a recent one! LOL Decided to post it anyway.

So I looked back over the past month or so and all of my post seem sad. Let me assure you that I am not sad. God is doing a work....I'll write more on it...or maybe I won't...still processing and thinking. But I know that through every step of learning, going back to the basics, there is hope in Him, and that is everlasting!

Now for some random thot's......

So here is where I fell in love with the person that Chris Daughtry

I am afraid, that here is where I did a bit of cheating and fell in love with David Cook....and then continued on pretty much through the entire season...especially with this.

But neither one mind, they understand and I have made room for both in my heart.

Though never been one to not miss an episode of anything...I did not miss one episode of this year's Idol thanks to DVR. Congratulations David Cook!



I found out that a medication that is keeping me from having a stroke is what is causing the cough I thought was allergies. So I'll be weaning myself off of that...and onto something else.



This morning I woke up craving Mexican food....and God provided it for free! LOVE that!



Paddington is 5 months old and makes me laugh out loud daily. He has been asking to write a new blog so I may let him on the computer a bit later.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

**RANT WARNING*** Just being real here

If you have read my blog for any amount of time you are well aware of my passion and deep love for Jesus Christ. My desire to know Him better and deeper and intimately. So please remember that in the next few words I am about to write.

I am working very hard on the flip side of judgmentalism. I grew up in a very legalistic/judgmental environment. Not necessarily within my home, but definitely with in the denomination that I grew up in. So having encountered on a very real and personal level legalistic judgements on my own life and my own person, I often find myself reversing those same legalistic values back on those who pushed them onto me.

So again...the Lord is dealing in my heart with this. I am learning that He loves the legalistic/judgemental people that are out there as much as He loves me...and they are on the same journey I am and they- not I - will be accountable for their actions one day, as I will be for mine.

With all of that I am about to go off in a RANT!
Why do people come home from missions trips and spout off the number of salvations as if they alone were the accomplishment? "We just got back from Timbuktu and we took our white selves with all of our American evangelism tactics and gathered in a crowd of poor people who culturally will agree with most anything we will say, preached to them and at the end had them raise their had if they said an incantation (ahem..excuse me prayer). We counted those hands and Praise the Lord 500 people were "saved. We won all of those people to the Lord. "
There are no words to tell you how disgusted and purely nauseated I am right at this moment.
What you have just done is completely discount and discredit all of the amazing work of the Lord that has been done long before you even knew where the place was.
When your white American selves go down to a land and are the novelty item for the week that you are there...of course crowds are going to come and see you. Most 3rd world cultures are different than our self-centered selfish selves in that they will agree to or do whatever it is that you are asking them to do with very little understanding as to why it is that you are doing it!
Please do not come back to the good ol' US of A to your middle class bible belt churches where for the most part church is a hobby one does on Sunday and count off your totals and consider your job done.
Seriously it hurts my heart!!!!

Billy Graham used to say that it took 40 people to lead someone to the cross of Christ, the 1st one didn't believe he did anything and the last one believed he did it all.

Here is what I wish I would hear when people come home from these short journeys of their lives.
"Man, we went down and were able to present the gospel in a unique way to a lot of people. They showed up because we were a novelty and that is OK, we're glad they came. We know that our missionaries that are on the field work hand in hand with these people so our coming was simply a bonus (for lack of another term at this time) to the work that the Lord is already doing. During our time there we were able to share the message of Christ and his deep love for us with fairly large crowds and as we presented the opportunity to follow Him, hundreds raised their hands in response. What we do know is that some of them were just raising their hands because we asked them too, or praying a prayer because we asked them too...but what our hearts cry is that lives there will be changed. For those who did understand and truly came to know Christ we are thrilled, we don't know the exact count because first of all that is not what matters here and second of all only God sees the heart. But we are excited to touch base and continue to support our missionary who lives among those people and hear back stories of those whose lives are changed and who are maturing and showing fruit. Plus we are excited to, God willing, go back next year and continue to establish relationship with these people. We would also ask you to pray for those who raised their hands or said a prayer just because the American said so....we know there were lots of those in that crowd, but we are praying that they will have heard something that wets their appetites to go back to the other activities of our missionary there and that one day they will understand truly come to know Him."

Maybe that is what you are saying when you come home and say "We lead such and such a total to Christ." But know that is very rarely what is communcated or heard.

I would love to apologize for this and say that my anger is not justified, but I am having to deal with that on my own. And may print some sort of retraction or addendum to this at some point. For now, I am just being real. Why can't we stop taking credit for God's work? Why must we put a number of "success" up in order to feel that our work is validated? I don't know the answers to these...I am simply wrestling and hurt and embarrased by actions and words of those who are supposed to be a representation of our mutual faith.

Monday, June 09, 2008

Today we are thinking Happy Thoughts

I am still in the midst of some interesting wrestling with the Father. Mostly He has stripped me down to the basics of my faith again and I am rebuilding His way. (which FYI, is pretty much the best way to build.)
However, because I am still processing a lot and am not sure how to articulate my current thought patterns, I think it best to move on past the heavier issues of spirituallity and tell some tales of fun!

So will do a random thot's list for you:
- Being computerless at home is not as bad as I thought it was going to be. There are moments it is inconvienient but I am getting so much more done, reading books, organizing, working my Mary Kay! Yep, not bad at all.
- I miss my camera. I am on the for sure side that is gone for good. It makes me sad...we had a lot of great adventures that camera and I.
- At the end of July I will officially have 5 people in my life whose diapers I changed...who are now engaged and will be married. I have a lot of confused feelings about this.
- Everyday with my homegroup girls in my life, is sweeter than the day before.
- Every time I see politicians on the news I am thankful that I do not have children to bring up in this world...it is just getting scarier.
- Summer fruit is amazing!
- Dogs just make the world a better place.
- Sometimes Hypothyroid symptoms are just a pain.
- Spending rare face to face time with long time friends is a treasure very hard to equal.

the end.
Tig