Friday, February 27, 2009

I love the love....

I have the greatest examples of love in my pastoral family. I love the way the men adore and pursue their women and how the women adore and pursue right back. Don't get me wrong I know that they have their issues...and that every day is not a fairy tale...(I know this because they are open and honest about it!)

I look back over my life at the times I settled for who was right there in front of me. While I don't regret a single relationship I have ever had I can say that I am so thankful that they were only seasons in my life.

I will no longer settle....I know who I am (and I like her in case I haven't mentioned that lately) and what my heart cries out for....

So, Chandlers, Bleekers, Pattersons, Hardins, Lewis(s), Barkers, and the rest of my married pastoral staff....thank you for loving each other and living out that love in example to the rest of us singles. My prayer for each of you daily is that God hedges your families with protection, and that your love for each other grows!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

A new day....new mercies

I have a vision poster on my bulletin board...it has words and phrases cut out from magazines and helps me focus in on things that I forget to think about.  I have another one that just has verses of scripture.  

At the top of one of them it says "Who are you today?" Followed by words of truth about myself.   I see this when I first wake up in the morning, and then as I walk into my bathroom I see a sticky note on my mirror that says "Mediocrity or World Change...Your choice - have a great day!"

The verses of scripture that are currently up for me to see (they change from time to time) revolve around faith.  
Hebrews 11:6 - Without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those that earnestly seek Him.  
Galatians 5:6 - The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.
I John 5:4 - Everyone born of God overcomes the world.  This the victory that has overcome the world even our faith.
Numbers 23:19 - God is not a man that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind.  He has said, and will He not do it?  Or has He spoken, and He will not fulfill it?
II Corinthians 3:16-18 " But when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed.  now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom.  And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another.  For this comes from the Lord who is Spirit."

These are words and phrases that I have put around to keep my mind focused on where it should be.  Yet still so often I fail.  So often I still go off into fantasy land thinking, "life would be so much better if", or into the land of worry, "Where will I be tomorrow, where is God taking  me", or into the valley of disgruntlement (not even sure if that is a word but it is for sure a place), "Why am I only this far along in my life, and why do I seem to never get any farther?"

These words...lies...that often fill my head are so dangerous.  Where is the voice of Truth in any of that?  One time a comedian that I enjoy called worry "future-tripping", and said when you go "future tripping" you go to a place that doesn't exist, and God cannot dwell in a place that does not exist.

So, my confession this morning is that I have been future tripping.  I have been wandering in the land of "what if", worrying about tomorrow, focusing on what I cannot control, rather than holding fast and leaning in to the One who is totally in control.  Only He can turn my dreams into reality.  I want to be where He is so that my Joy may increase.  

One of the phrases on my board says "every day brings a chance to start over", on the board with scripture a verse I have says "His mercies are new every morning."  So today, is a chance to start over once again.  To focus my heart on Him.  To put my trust fully in the God of the universe and stop trying to run the universe myself.  Imagine the possibilities!!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

A Fantastic Month!

Its been a while since I blogged. Not really for lack of trying…as I have started several blogs and then stopped as the words I was writing simply seemed trite.

I have promised blogs about my time in Africa and England, and I guess I’ll get to those when I finish processing what is mine and what is ok to share with the world of bloggers. But photos can now been seen here.

I think that is how I feel about a lot that is going on in my life right now. For the first time in many many years I like who I am. I am not pretending. I am not trying to be something for someone, or to act a certain way so that I will be liked by a certain group. I am simply myself. I am open, honest (probably to a fault) and unapologetic about myself. I LIKE me! This has been a very long time coming because for so long I tried so hard to please everyone else and not realizing that in the process I was losing parts of me.

I had the very best January I ever remember! In October of last year I started making some changes in my life. I started truly evaluating who I was, what I didn’t like about myself and what I was going to have to do change it. Some of that was written out in blogs along the way, and some was much more private and was just me and God one on one. The process is on going of course and has not been easy.

First, I had to sit down and do some serious evaluating of different relationships in my life…who did I want to be there and who did I not want. Purging oneself of others that weigh you down is not always easy. Why was I spending so much time, effort and emotion on people that were not bringing me more of Him? Was I going to spend my whole life being a rescuer? Or was I finally going to make the choices that needed to be made and be a mentor? This decision while easy enough on paper, was/is very difficult in real life and can be confusing and hurtful for both parties when “friendships” have to come to an end.

However, the happier side of that is I also made some choices about who I wanted to invest my life in! This meant actual planning. Funny how that works. I plan out the rest of my life, everything is on my calendar, even my time with God and my gym time. If I don’t plan for it, it just doesn’t happen. But somehow I was expecting friendships and the investment into them to just happen spontaneously. Phone calls always ended with “We’ve got to get together soon”, but never a plan on when “soon” was…resulting in another 6 months without seeing or spending quality time with each other. So when I returned from my holiday time overseas, I placed a series of phone calls, and put those that I love and desire to see on the calendar. I saw friends that I have been wanting to see for ages, caught up on their lives, laughed and cried, and took pictures!

I also sat down with each of them and put more dates on the calendar so that we already have our next time together planned. This resulted in a fantastic January full of friends and MUCH less time alone on the couch watching TV that will not improve my life one iota!

I also have worked very hard to get procrastination out of my life. I found a quote that said that “procrastination is a way for us to be satisfied with second-rate results.” What a wake up call! I procrastinate about silly things…the water bottles on my desk, in my car, and around my apartment are very good examples of this. Drink the water or use it for another purpose; do not leave it sitting for days on end. This should not be hard. But it is the little things that lead to the bigger things and so habits of procrastination are born and raised up strong. So I started making myself do things like “take my jacket out of my car and upstairs and hang it in the closet” AMAZING – car is cleaner and so is apartment. (and jacket is much easier to locate it when I need it). January became a much more discipline and organized month!


One other thing that I did that was different and fun for me this year was I spent my birthday money on what I wanted rather than on bills. I am really bad at spending money on myself. I just always think it will be so much better for my bottom line of school loans, etc if I put the money towards that. This has held true for years, but this year I had genuine wants/needs and that extra money came to good use! I finally bought the George Foreman Grill that I wanted …I am very much in love with it!




Plus after several trips to Ikea (where God blessed me with some GREAT sales) I am proud/happy to say my apartment finally looks more like a place where someone lives rather than a temporary dwelling.

January was indeed great! I am looking forward to a fantastic year, continual self discovery with God’s help, and spending lots and lots of time with those that I love!!!