Healing

I love this picture. A dear person in my life once named it "Serenity", and loved it with an enthusiasm I had never had about any of my work. It was one of the biggest complements of my life, so I gave it to him.

This picture is an amazing representation of just that. Just looking at this used to make my whole day brighter. Now it makes me long for this peace.

The past year of my life has been horrible. I realize that in comparison to other horrors happening in the world, some would think I was being petty and looked at my blessed life as cake. But to me, I have faced tragedies that I have never faced before, and hope that I never have to face again.

There were some of these situations that were brought on by myself. I allowed myself to be too proud to truely ask why, and I am ashamed of that.

I have said and done hurtful things that I should have never said or done. I have spread rumors and for that I ask for forgiveness. One day I will have to answer to God for it all. One day I will have the chance to sit down and apologize face to face to those I have hurt. But for now I am doing it here. I am sorry that I did not take the opportunity to listen before. Wrong was done, and is done. Life is full of crap and unfortunately I have added to it in several lives. For some of you I caused a wound and I am sorry, for others of you I allowed you to pick at your wound too long and even helped you pick at it I am equally as sorry for that.

For all of us. What is done is done. Let's move on. Realize that what was done and said on all sides was done from deep wounds of hurt. The President of our United States said something this morning that really hit home with me. He said that "Our problems and issues did not pop up over night, they were small on going things that have now festered into a larger problem.....they will not be solved overnight either. But I am committed to working to find a solution for peace."

I am going to go ahead and steal those words. I don't know if there will ever be the peace that I want. The peace of families that love each other. Apologies need to happen, prideful walls need to be torn down, amazing grace will have to reign in ways that are incomprehensible to me right now. But here is what I know. I love you all. I know that there are times when it did not seem like it, but I do. I don't love one side more than the other, I just love.

I am reading a book right now that is changing my life in a lot of ways. I have been bound by things that I did not realize I was bound by until now. Unforgiveness and bitterness happens to be a topic in one chapter and pride happens to be the very next chapter. I don't think that is a coincidence in my life at all. Unforgiveness breeds bitterness, and bitterness is paralizing to the spirit within. It will take all meaning and joy out of life, and will only hurt those who allow it to remain in their souls. Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. I am choosing to forgive.

I am sorry for who I have hurt, because I know the pain is great. For those who have placed hurt in my life, you are forgiven. That may sound prideful in and of itself, but this is what I know.... I have been forgiven much, so who am I to allow unforgiveness to kill my inner spirit. Some hurt was done purposefully and some done without knowledge. It is done.... it is over.....choose to forgive, or choose to not to forgive....either way I will love you.....but either way I am moving on.