Saturday, April 29, 2006

Encouragement

God is so good, such an amazing provider!!

I was reading in Psalm 40 yesterday when I was out and about and in line waiting for something.

It starts in verse 1 with something that has encouraged me for a long time now
“I waited patiently for the LORD to help me, and HE turned to me and heard my cry...(skip down to vs 3b)…many will see what the LORD has done and be astounded…..(then skipping to vs 17a) As for me, I am poor and needy, but as for me the LORD is thinking about me right now.”

How cool is that!! The God of the UNIVERSE!! Not a saint or a priest or a pastor or any other man or woman that is made of the same sinful skin and bones that I am made of, but GOD is thinking of ME!

Jump back up to verse 16 of the same chapter. “But may all who search for you be filled with joy and gladness. May those who love your salvation repeatedly shout, “THE LORD IS GREAT!!”

Love you guys so much!!
AW

P.s. you know as a girl who is home alone...with a baseball game on one TV and the draft on another...cleaning and cooking....I am a fabulous pick for any man! Too bad for them I am not looking! Ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Oh to be 5 again

Do you remember the sweet innocence of 5?

For the next 6 weeks I have the honor of watching a friend's son, while the school district where she works winds down to a close.
How exciting it is to be 5!!

For most of us....one does not have to worry over the loss of friendships, or the drama of the day, or how our bills are going to be paid, or if the tire on the car will last until the tax refund comes in. We don't worry about getting married, or if the right one will come along. Or if the price of gas will go so high we will be forced to ride our bike (that we don't have) everywhere.

No the life of a 5 year old consists of....
Excitement about going to wash a car and getting to sit there while the "monster hands" wipe all the dirt away.
Planning for days to go to the library to find books on mummies.
Being estatic about finding a roly-poly-oly on the sidewalk, and making an adventure out of finding more. ( 6!!! We found 6!!)
With a little imagination, spiderman can save the world, and one can fly like superman on top of someone's uplifted feet.
A cookie can make your whole day better.....
and All of life's problems can be solved with a hug, an ear rub, and a nap.

Oh to be 5 again!

Sunday, April 16, 2006

HOPE REIGNS



My friend Lauren Chandler co-wrote the following song, and this song follows me everywhere!!

When I am down and sad, which I have been a lot lately, the TRUTH of this song comes to me. Sometimes it is the 1st verse, that just reminds me that HE is the Healer of my broken heart. Most of the time it is the last verse which I belt out as I cling to the TRUTH that to Righteousness I am enslaved, and in so being, FREEDOM is now my song!! To my Lover I now belong!!

Today, is the second verse that speaks to me. "BLAMELESS ONE who took MY place." I am overwhelmed with that fact today. I am unworthy, yet my price has been paid for!
HOPE REIGNS!!

GLORY TO OUR KING
Hallelujah Glory to Our King
Hallelujah You are everything
Hallelujah Now the Blind can see
Hallelujah Glory to our King.

Glory to our King, Glory to our King

Healer of our broken hearts,
Forgiver of our path so dark,
You opened eyes that once were blind
On my darkness you shed light

Blameless ONE who took my place
Redeeming LOVE sweeps me away
Spotless bride I have become
Because of your redeeming blood

Hallelujah Glory to Our King
Hallelujah You are everything
Hallelujah I have been Redeemed
Hallelujah Glory to our King.

Worthy You are Worthy

Master taking off my chains
Now to Righteousness enslaved
Freedom has become my song
To my LOVER I belong

Hallelujah Glory to Our King
Hallelujah You are everything
Hallelujah now this Slaves set free!
Hallelujah Glory to our King.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

THE PROMISE

Today sadness overwhelms.
Because I stood up for myself....
I have been punished.
Because I did what was right...
I have been wronged.
My heart aches for what I loved.....still love.

Wounded, I am broken.
For what I do not know.
I will not go back for another slap.
I will not give in to the pain.
I will learn to let go of what is hurting me.

All I want is to go back in time.
To change what cannot be changed.
Yet what could I have done.
How could I have done more than tell the Truth?
How more could I have sacrificed of my time and emotion.

Forgiveness reigns.
It is only in forgiving that I can be healed.
I want to be whole again.
Want to know that I have worth.
I am set free by THE PROMISE.

I am promised that I will be declared a liar;
When all I stood for was truth.
I am promised that my road will be sorrowful;
Though all that I hoped for was joy.
I am promised that I will be mocked and ridiculed;
When all I gave was hope and encouragement.

HIS Grace will be sufficient;
when I am in need.
HIS mercy will be renewed;
when I wake up.
HIS arms will hold me;
when I am tired.
HIS presence will be there;
when I am alone.
HIS joy will be unspeakable;
when I am sad.
HIS peace will be indescribable;
when I am overwrought.
HIS love will be my anchor;
when I am tossed and thrown in the waves.

That is THE PROMISE.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Butterflies

A few sweet shots from a recent butterfly shooting expedition.
Click this link to view more.
Enjoy!
AW








Wednesday, April 05, 2006

There's always time for coffee with a friend

I found this story in another person's blog, and thought it fitting for where I am right now. I have taken the time this week to make some phone calls and have a cuppa with a friend or two. It did not take away from who I was, or any of my priorities. Instead it set my priorities straight. I got to catch up with friends, encourage them in their journey, be encouraged in mine. Yes there is always a bunch of "sand" that can fill up my life, but only if I let it. If I let God be in control and where my focus lies, everything lines up from "golf balls to coffee"

Thanks for being a part of my life. Get in touch with me this week, leave a comment, send an email. I would love to hear from you.

*********************************************************************************

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the coffee...professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things --- your God, your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions --- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car.

The sand is everything else- the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal."

Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

“One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

The Real Me

words and music by Natalie Grant
Photo by me


foolish heart looks like we're here again
same old game of plastic smile
don't let anybody in
hiding my heartache,
will this glass house break
how much will they take before i'm EMPTY
do i even let it show, does anybody know?

but YOU see the real me
hiding in my skin,
broken from within
unveil me completely
i'm loosening my grasp
there's no need to mask my frailty
cause you see the real me

painted on,
life is behind the mask
self-inflicted circus clown
i'm tired of the song and dance
living a charade,
always on parade
what a mess i've made of my existence
but you love me even now
and still i see somehow

that YOU see the real me
hiding in my skin,
broken from within
unveil me completely
i'm loosening my grasp
there's no need to mask my frailty
cause you see the real me

wonderful,
beautiful
is what YOU see
when YOU look at me
YOU're turning the tattered fabric of my life
into a perfect tapestry
i just wanna be me

and you love me just as i am

Friday, March 31, 2006

What God showed me this morning.....

I am reading through I Kings. I love the old testiment once you get past all the laws and begats. :) With all that has been going on in my life, I have been crying out to God, waiting for a big booming voice to answer....

Elijah has just totally owned the prophets of Baal by pouring water all over his sacrifice and having it consumed by fire. He has had one victory after the other....mountain tops if you will....then he gets word that Jezebel wants to kill him and he cowers, runs, and hides.

God finds him hiding in a cave (not that God had to look HE knew right where he was) and said "What are you doing hiding in this cave?" (amanda's paraphrase) to which Elijah answered, "No body likes me, every body hates me, guess I'll go eat worms....all I did was do what YOU told me too God." (again amanda's paraphrase) Then God says go stand out there on the mountain I've got something to say.....

I Kings 19:11, 12 " A hurricane wind ripped through the mountains and shattered the rocks before GOD, but GOD wasn't to be found in the wind; after the wind an earthquake, but GOD wasn't in the earthquake; and after the earthquake fire, but GOD wasn't in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper.

My storms have come and gone, now I quietly wait for a whisper.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Top 10 Reasons to Love me

I had to do this exercise for a book I am reading and was amazed at how difficult it can be to come up with 10. As we are told to be humble all of our lives, sometimes we miss out on the one person that is truely special in our lives....ourselves! God made us! He LOVES us! and here are 10 reasons why we should love us too! I challenge you to make 10 for yourself. You will be laughing at the end.

(BTW, YES I realize there are more than 10....ha ha ha Humility is one of them!)

10. I am a generally happy person and will do anything within reason to make you the same.
9. I am loyal to a fault, will love you back fiercely and never let you down on purpose
8. All great things begin with the letter "A"
7. I see beauty all around me...even when it is hard
6. I cook a mean pan of brownies!
5. I love to cuddle
4. I will be honest with you even if it is going to hurt me
3. I seek to know all the words to your life song and sing them back to you when you lose direction.
2. I believe in helping you find and accomplish your dreams
1. and the number one reason to love me.....well...I am Amanda!

Brooke outdid me

Of course....So I came up with a few more....
I once had all my friends convinced I was addicted to Asprin
I have an entire dance to the song "Have Mercy" by the Judds
I charged my parents to see me in concert.in their OWN living room.
I had a "Hundred Acre Woods" on a 3 acre property
After my 1st kiss I said "Yuck don't ever do that again"
Every time I spend time with my friend Brooke I get a full ab workout from laughing so hard!!

*****************************************************************************
BTW...these were her 6 things...how could I possibly even try to beat these?!
Once my arm was swallowed by a mad pelican.
My best friend threw up because I was so ugly.
Scott put dog food between the cheese and cracker and then fed it to me.
George W. Bush waved at me Monday morning.
In college, I tried to return laundry detergent for cash.
I went on a blind date for Sarah Underwood once and told him I was her--she didn't know.

Weird things about me

Weird Things About Me
(yes I do realize there are more than 6, but this posting only called for 6.)

1. I love a package of new white ankle socks, so soft and clean. YUM!
2. I have never sucked my thumb or a pacifier or needed a blankie, but I DO suck on the roof of my mouth and twirl my hair.
3. I have to sleep with a pillow under my head and on either side of me.
4. I hate peanuts, but LOVE peanut butter.
5. I cannot handle it when people cut their fingernails in front of me….it is like scraping their nails on a chalkboard, I come unglued!
6. When I am deathly ill, rather than being in bed I would rather sleep outside. I believe the fresh air and sun heals.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Sad

Last year it was a beautiful spring day and I was on my way home from Abilene where I had been for Easter. I remember clearly at what point in the journey that I was when my phone rang. It was my friend Candy telling me that our friend Karen’s mom had lost her battle with cancer.

I remember being sad.
I was sad for Karen, she was so close to her mom and I had watched from a distance as she LOVED her mom through those last few months. I didn’t really know Karen well, but I knew she was beautiful and I wanted to remember her example.

A week later, I would get another phone call. Another mother of one I held dear was in a fatal car accident. Another funeral. More grief. Another soul that God wanted, so we would have to give up for now. I did not know this beautiful woman, but she was dear to those who were dear to me and I was sad.

A few short days later, I got the phone call I had been dreading. Mrs. Virginia Moreno, my instructor’s mom, finally lost her battle with cancer and went home to be with Jesus. This time I knew her. I was sad, heart hurting, God questioning, sad. Why would God take this woman, she was so beautiful and so full of life. I mourned that day, and have mourned many days since. The 1st testing at our school without her there….the 1st tournament that she wasn’t ringside…..the day I got my black belt, she was one of the few that I longed to be there that wasn’t. I didn’t know her very long but I loved her!

The common thread here, was that in 3 short weeks we had 3 funerals. A family rose up from the ashes of that mourning and became strong. For me it was a place where finally I could call home.

Today was a similar type of funeral feeling. I AM SAD! I feel as though I have lost a part of me that I can never have back. I have lost a Tae kwon do school, a man I counted among my friends, families that I love to be a part of, a part of my life that was for me so very sacred and dear. I have lost a home.

My heart is hurting. I have lost……. I am lost. What could I have done that might have changed things?

I weep as I sit here, and mourn for what might have been. I mourn for a family I have lost.

Why? What did I do to deserve how I feel? I loved, I was loyal, I was faithful, and I am now betrayed.

I am sad, heart hurting, not sleeping, tears of sorrow……sad.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Writer's urge

Fresh sheet of paper
Pen in hand.
Can’t resist the urge.
Pen hovers, words suspended
The World awaits.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

me

Sometimes I am deep and sometimes I am shallow...either way...I am still me.

I put words up for others to read...if you like them say so...if you don't that is fine too...they are still my words....still my feelings....still me.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Tried and true

My mom sent me this....and in light of my life since November....I think it might just apply to me. Also just a side note that you will understand after having read this...."Tis so sweet" is one of my favorite songs I sing it all the time.

Tried and True
Betsy Childs

I've often been asked the question, "Why does God test us?" This is a natural thing to ask, whether prompted by the biblical story of Abraham and Isaac or a personal test facing the questioner. "Doesn't God know everything already?" we wonder. "If so, why would He need to test us?" Consider, first of all, that when God tests us, it is not for the purposes of his own knowledge, but for our knowledge and the knowledge of the one whom the Bible refers to as "the Accuser of the brethren."

We see this in the book of Job; Satan accused Job of only serving God because God allowed him to prosper. God removed the hedge of protection He had put around Job to prove his accuser wrong. After the test, not only did Satan know that Job's faith was grounded in more than God's blessing, Job knew it also.

The testing of God became more understandable to me when I realized that one of the synonyms for "to test" is "to prove." God doesn't test us to see if we will fail. He tests us when He knows that we can succeed; He tests us in order to prove us. Imagine that you've built a table. As you show your handiwork to your friend, he casts doubt on the sturdiness of the table. You know that the table is sturdy because you made it. To prove it to your friend, you sit on top of it, demonstrating that it can hold your weight. You are not testing the table because you have a question about its sturdiness; rather, you are testing it to prove its sturdiness to the doubter.

Still, sometimes it is hard to see where the kindness of God fits into his testing. I believe the key to this is understanding that any time God tests us, He is issuing an invitation for us to test Him. God doesn't want us to try to weather life's trials in our own strength. A prime example of this is the test Paul and his companions experienced in Asia. As he describes it, "We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us" (2 Corinthians 1:8b-10).

In other words, they came to a test, felt that their strength would fail, and were compelled to rely upon God. And God proved Himself equal to their need. Here is another promise God gives for any test we face: "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it" (1 Corinthians 10:13).
This doesn't mean that when we feel like we can't bear a temptation, God must be giving us the go-ahead. It means that when temptation threatens to overcome us, we must test God by looking for the way out that He has provided. It will always be there if we look for it.

The words of the familiar hymn "'Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus" were written by a woman named Louisa Stead. Stead and her four-year old daughter lost their husband and father when he drowned off Long Island trying to rescue a little boy. Years after this severe trial, Louisa Stead recognized that God was the one who had repeatedly passed the test by being faithful to her; she was able to write, "Jesus, Jesus, how I trust him/ How I've proved him o'er and o'er." If, when we are tested, we respond by testing and proving the faithfulness of God, taking Him at his word, we will be able to say confidently with Job, "When he has tested me, I will come forth as gold."

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Changing

If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we are not really living. Growth demands a temporary surrender of security.
– Gail Sheehy

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Valley's and Promises

I have just come out of a wonderful weekend! A weekend of getting away! Here is what I came away with.....
The Lord promises us Mountaintops....where we will commune with Him and life could not be better....and He promises that we will have valleys....days when we feel we cannot go on one more step....
However....PRAISE THE LORD! It takes two mountain tops to make a valley....the PROMISE....with God there will always be more Mountain tops than valleys.
I was able to spend some sweet reunion time with several of my friends. Three of them where my dear friends The Martins (http://www.the-martins.com/). They were in concert this weekend...and sang one of my favorites...here are the lyrics.


THE PROMISE
I never said that I would give you silver or gold.
Or that you would never feel the fire or shiver in cold…
But I did say "You would never walk through this world alone."
And I did say." Don't make this world your home"

I never said that fear wouldn't find you in the night,
Or that loneliness was something you'd never have to fight
But I did say "I'd be right there by your side"
And I did say "I'll always help you fight."

Cause you know I made a Promise that I intend to keep
My Grace will be sufficient in every time of need…
My love will be the anchor that you can hold on to…
This is the Promise I've made to you.

I never said that friends would never turn their backs on you
Or that the world around you wouldn't see you as fool
But I did say "Like me, you'll surely be despised"
And I did say "My ways confound the wise."

I didn't say that you'd never taste the bitter kiss of death
Or have to walk through chilly Jordan to enter into rest
But I did say I'd be waiting right on the other side.
And I did say I'll dry every tear you've cried.

Cause you know I made Promise that I've prepared a place
And someday sooner than you think you'll see me face to face
And you'll sing with the angels and a countless multitude.
This is the Promise, this is the Promise I've made to you.

So just keep on walking, don't turn to the left or right
And in the midst of darkness, let this be your light
That hell can't separate us and your gonna make it through
This is the Promise, this is the Promise....I've made to you.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

What if I had never met you?

What if I never met you?
While recently watching a rerun of a show about 4 friends….one of the characters was leaving for a long time, and posed the very sentimental question. "What if I had never met you?" I having said so many hellos and good-byes in my life began to cry…and then I sat with my cup of decaf in hand, and thought……

What if I had never met you?
Who would I be today if my life as I remember it did not include you?
Would I wake up ready to face the day?
Would I be as happy?
Would I have cried so many tears?
Would I have prayed as many prayers?
Would I have laughed as loudly, or as long?
Would be able to sing like I do?
Would I be able to dance as carefree?
Would I care the way I do?
Would I be as tall?
Would I have a place to live?
Would I have traveled?
Would I know how to drive?
Would I know how to walk?
Would I know how to read?
Would I know how to write?
Would I know how to study?
Would I know how to work?
Would I know how to set a goal?
Would I have dreamed the dreams that I dream?
Would I have accomplished as much as I have accomplished so far?
Would I have seen the ocean or the desert?
Would I have seen the stars in the same way?
Would I look at the moon and see a man/a dragon and a rabbit?
Would I have self respect?
Would I appreciate art?
Would I be able to face a challenge?
Would I know how to use a camera?
Would I know how to look at a face and not see color?
Would I feel as loved?
Would I know how to love?
Would I have rejoiced in rejoicing?
Would I have praised God as often?
Would I know Jesus?
Would I know myself?
Would I have the ability that no matter where I am in the world, to be home?

I can think of a million more questions and shudder at the answers? My life would not be whole without you in it. If you are in my life…you make up part of me. To even begin to fathom a life without all that I have and all that I have had….no…I cannot. To begin to thank you for every memory….I cannot….Thank you is not enough.

Seriously Blessed

This should be posted dated 2/26/06 :)
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is as opposed to mildly blessed!
I have just spent the last week of my life inflicted with what is commonly known as the common cold.
When you have a cold you are seriously ill!
I just love it when people say "It is just a cold." Do you realize that this contagious viral infection of the upper respiratory tract is the most common infectious disease in the United States??
Just a cold they say.but do you realize that "just a cold" has about 5 hundred million billion remedies? Ok so that may be slightly "ministerialy speaking" as they say. But from the moment that I had the first symptom of sore throat I received more advice in a week, than I have received in over a year.
-drink hot liquids
-drink cold liquids
-eat
-starve
-gargle with salt water (who came up with this nasty remedy works unfortunately-but gross!)
-Vitamin C
-Citrus
-Rice Pudding with Cinnamon
- Nyquil from those who ironically don't believe in the drinking of alcohol
-Hot Toddy- from those that do! J
-Hot Showers to steam it out
- Stay indoors with all windows shut (yes so germs can recirculate, brilliant!)
-Go outside (soak in the sunmuch better idea)
-Don't drink milk (yes this is for real advise, but linked to a myth)
On and on and on and on it can go with one remedy totally discrediting the other. When, in reality.only time, naps, and lots of liquids can actually heal a cold.

But in the midst of my being pretty much homebound with this nasty infectious disease, I was able to gather up some incredible thoughts.
I AM BLESSED!! I mean not just in a generic thought that most people have, but SERIOUSLY blessed.
On an average day I..
-Wake up.blessing #1
-Eat..blessing #2
-freely read my Bible..Blessing#3
-check my email.blessing# 4
-feed my Myspace addictionblessing#5
-listen to music.Blessing #6
-have access to indoor plumbing facilitiesblessing #7
-talk to friends and family.-blessing#8
-am able to enjoy creation with all 5 of my sensesblessing #9
-breathe in and outblessing#10

On and On I could go..if you are in my life in any way, you are a part of my blessing. Thank you so much for being a part of what God has purposed for me! I look forward to the week ahead finding new mercy and a new blessing in every day.
Love you!

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Faith of my Fathers

In the eyes of the world we are now adults. We have higher education, we have jobs, we own cars and sometimes houses, we have bills to pay and have completely full schedules. So where does faith fit in?
Faith of my Fathers
As children many of us were taken to church by our parents. In my family it was not an option, it was a way of life. I come from a ministry family. My grandfathers were both pastors, my uncle is a pastor, when I was born my parents were in the youth ministry until I was five and they felt the calling of God to go into mission work, and whisked me away to the mission field of Kenya, East Africa.. I have been in church since my first Sunday in the womb.
I came to know the Lord on a personal level when I was five years old in my parent's home. It was at that time that I knew that I was not going to heaven without Jesus in my heart and I told my mom I wanted to ask Him to come and live with me forever. I prayed and received the Lord that night and several weeks later I was baptized by my grandfather in his church.
Living on the mission field, I was very involved in my parent's ministry. I helped teach children's classes, took offering, passed out song books, and rang the bell to let the village know that it was time to come to church! On into my teen years I continued to share in their English ministry as I helped my mom with a Saturday kids club, sang in choir, participated in Christmas musicals and in general was a part of the every day ministry of a church planting family.
When I returned to the United States, off I went to Bible college where again I did what any proper missionary child should do and quickly became involved in a local church ministry and participated in worship teams and evangelical efforts. The Lord led me from there to another fine Christian university where I was very involved in my local church.
All of this time, however, I was living underneath what I consider my parent's umbrella of faith. My parents were never the type to force one into ministry; yet, I naturally followed whatever I felt they wanted me to do. The same held true while at Bible College, I became involved in what I was involved in not because I sought out the Lord, but because that is what I felt was expected of me.
During my study at Hardin-Simmons University, I was given the wonderful opportunity to study for a semester in Hong Kong. It was here that I stepped out from under the faith of others and God began to teach me about growing in Him for myself.
Let it Rain
January 6, 2001, LA airport I was about to board a Cathay Pacific flight bound for Hong Kong. What in the world was I thinking? Yes, I grew up overseas, I had a passport with stamps from several different countries and cultures, but when I was there so were my parents. This time I was going at it alone.
The same held true for my faith. Up until this point my faith, though personal, was constructed of a foundation of my parents' faith, with some shaky walls built up from a walk of faith that others expected of me which was not really a true walk at all. Now I as stepped on this plane excitedly nervous about what I would find on the other side, I realized that my spiritual support would not be there this time, I was going to have to find out who Jesus was on my own.
As the plane gained momentum and I felt the pull of gravity push me back into chair, it was in that moment I left behind the security of the faith of my father, and embarked on a faith finding mission of my own. The next eight months would prove to be fun, happy, sad, long, short, easy, hard, exhausting and exhilarating! Yet they would prove to be full of adventure after adventure, a time when God showed up on a daily basis to rain down his blessings onto my life, a time where I began to find my own faith and to build upon the foundation laid for me by my father.
The Hectic Life
I know what all of you are thinking, "That was a beautiful story, but Amanda perhaps you don't remember what kind of a rat race we live in. Perhaps you don't understand how hard it is to find time to build my faith and grow in the Lord." Oh, but I do. When I returned from Hong Kong, I began working three jobs, going to school full time, was involved at church, at a local interdominational bible study, and was involved in a business organization at school; I owned a car, a house, attempted to have a social life and averaged around five hours of sleep a night if I was lucky. Trust me I know about the rat race! Yet, something that God had taught me while in Hong Kong held true here in the United States. Without Him I am nothing. I am just an empty shell. Yes this empty shell can get up and go to class every day and then head of to work, pay bills, go out with friends, watch movies, even be involved in ministries working for Him, but without prioritizing my time to seek His face and allow Him to fill me with His love, I am nothing.
The Journey Continues. Here I am, several years out of college, currently facing the single life again, have been jobless for three months, have a nasty cold today, blah, blah. Yet, I can say that the faith that began on that plan five years ago has grown. Each step of the way God was stretching my faith, teaching me to lean into Him when I did not understand a thing that is going on. I could go on have a pity party and most looking at my situation would understand. However, let me put this in perspective, yesterday I talked to a single mom who is facing the fact that her two year old may have leukemia; my mom emailed me this morning that a pastor friend in Botswana just lost an infant to an unknown illness and his toddler was in the hospital; my friend's ex father-in-law is in the hospital having suffered a heart attack after finding out that his 27 year old son was found dead in his apartment. I do not have the luxury of a pity party. I have a responsibility to hold high the faith that God has so firmly rooted in me and show the Hope that lives within me. MY GOD IS FAITHFUL! I am provided for and loved and pursuedHe is FAITHFUL!
The faith of my fathers, a faith that may not look the same on the shallow exterior of denominational walls, or on the miry ground of this generation versus that generation; but a faith that is timeless, rooted in the single fact that my Father loved me so much that he chose to have His ONLY Son crucified, so that I could spend eternity with Him. A faith that represents a love that pursues me every day of my life, even when I "forget".
My Challenge to You
As singles we have an amazing opportunity to control our lives, more so than at any other time. Yes, we have to go to work, and for some of us we have to go to school, there are some definite controlling factors in our lives. Yet, right now we don't have to answer to anyone but ourselves and God about the things we do daily. We choose what our schedules look like; we have the choice to prioritize our lives how we want to prioritize them. Yes, we are in a rat race running right along with the millions of others who are running, however, at the end of the day we do not have to work our free time schedules around a spouse or a significant other or children. We can choose to spend time with the Lord allowing Him to grow us and to fill our empty shells, to make us into the single being that He wants us to be.
I challenge you to pull out your day planner, or your blackberry or whatever you use to plan out your day, and to rearrange a little, set some time apart for you and the Lord on a daily basis. Take a step of faith outside the umbrella you have been standing under all these years and find the glorious satisfaction in letting God rain down on you faith anew and fresh and best of all truly yours.