THE PROMISE

Today sadness overwhelms.
Because I stood up for myself....
I have been punished.
Because I did what was right...
I have been wronged.
My heart aches for what I loved.....still love.

Wounded, I am broken.
For what I do not know.
I will not go back for another slap.
I will not give in to the pain.
I will learn to let go of what is hurting me.

All I want is to go back in time.
To change what cannot be changed.
Yet what could I have done.
How could I have done more than tell the Truth?
How more could I have sacrificed of my time and emotion.

Forgiveness reigns.
It is only in forgiving that I can be healed.
I want to be whole again.
Want to know that I have worth.
I am set free by THE PROMISE.

I am promised that I will be declared a liar;
When all I stood for was truth.
I am promised that my road will be sorrowful;
Though all that I hoped for was joy.
I am promised that I will be mocked and ridiculed;
When all I gave was hope and encouragement.

HIS Grace will be sufficient;
when I am in need.
HIS mercy will be renewed;
when I wake up.
HIS arms will hold me;
when I am tired.
HIS presence will be there;
when I am alone.
HIS joy will be unspeakable;
when I am sad.
HIS peace will be indescribable;
when I am overwrought.
HIS love will be my anchor;
when I am tossed and thrown in the waves.

That is THE PROMISE.

Sad

Last year it was a beautiful spring day and I was on my way home from Abilene where I had been for Easter. I remember clearly at what point in the journey that I was when my phone rang. It was my friend Candy telling me that our friend Karen’s mom had lost her battle with cancer.

I remember being sad.
I was sad for Karen, she was so close to her mom and I had watched from a distance as she LOVED her mom through those last few months. I didn’t really know Karen well, but I knew she was beautiful and I wanted to remember her example.

A week later, I would get another phone call. Another mother of one I held dear was in a fatal car accident. Another funeral. More grief. Another soul that God wanted, so we would have to give up for now. I did not know this beautiful woman, but she was dear to those who were dear to me and I was sad.

A few short days later, I got the phone call I had been dreading. Mrs. Virginia Moreno, my instructor’s mom, finally lost her battle with cancer and went home to be with Jesus. This time I knew her. I was sad, heart hurting, God questioning, sad. Why would God take this woman, she was so beautiful and so full of life. I mourned that day, and have mourned many days since. The 1st testing at our school without her there….the 1st tournament that she wasn’t ringside…..the day I got my black belt, she was one of the few that I longed to be there that wasn’t. I didn’t know her very long but I loved her!

The common thread here, was that in 3 short weeks we had 3 funerals. A family rose up from the ashes of that mourning and became strong. For me it was a place where finally I could call home.

Today was a similar type of funeral feeling. I AM SAD! I feel as though I have lost a part of me that I can never have back. I have lost a Tae kwon do school, a man I counted among my friends, families that I love to be a part of, a part of my life that was for me so very sacred and dear. I have lost a home.

My heart is hurting. I have lost……. I am lost. What could I have done that might have changed things?

I weep as I sit here, and mourn for what might have been. I mourn for a family I have lost.

Why? What did I do to deserve how I feel? I loved, I was loyal, I was faithful, and I am now betrayed.

I am sad, heart hurting, not sleeping, tears of sorrow……sad.

Tried and true

My mom sent me this....and in light of my life since November....I think it might just apply to me. Also just a side note that you will understand after having read this...."Tis so sweet" is one of my favorite songs I sing it all the time.

Tried and True
Betsy Childs

I've often been asked the question, "Why does God test us?" This is a natural thing to ask, whether prompted by the biblical story of Abraham and Isaac or a personal test facing the questioner. "Doesn't God know everything already?" we wonder. "If so, why would He need to test us?" Consider, first of all, that when God tests us, it is not for the purposes of his own knowledge, but for our knowledge and the knowledge of the one whom the Bible refers to as "the Accuser of the brethren."

We see this in the book of Job; Satan accused Job of only serving God because God allowed him to prosper. God removed the hedge of protection He had put around Job to prove his accuser wrong. After the test, not only did Satan know that Job's faith was grounded in more than God's blessing, Job knew it also.

The testing of God became more understandable to me when I realized that one of the synonyms for "to test" is "to prove." God doesn't test us to see if we will fail. He tests us when He knows that we can succeed; He tests us in order to prove us. Imagine that you've built a table. As you show your handiwork to your friend, he casts doubt on the sturdiness of the table. You know that the table is sturdy because you made it. To prove it to your friend, you sit on top of it, demonstrating that it can hold your weight. You are not testing the table because you have a question about its sturdiness; rather, you are testing it to prove its sturdiness to the doubter.

Still, sometimes it is hard to see where the kindness of God fits into his testing. I believe the key to this is understanding that any time God tests us, He is issuing an invitation for us to test Him. God doesn't want us to try to weather life's trials in our own strength. A prime example of this is the test Paul and his companions experienced in Asia. As he describes it, "We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us" (2 Corinthians 1:8b-10).

In other words, they came to a test, felt that their strength would fail, and were compelled to rely upon God. And God proved Himself equal to their need. Here is another promise God gives for any test we face: "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it" (1 Corinthians 10:13).
This doesn't mean that when we feel like we can't bear a temptation, God must be giving us the go-ahead. It means that when temptation threatens to overcome us, we must test God by looking for the way out that He has provided. It will always be there if we look for it.

The words of the familiar hymn "'Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus" were written by a woman named Louisa Stead. Stead and her four-year old daughter lost their husband and father when he drowned off Long Island trying to rescue a little boy. Years after this severe trial, Louisa Stead recognized that God was the one who had repeatedly passed the test by being faithful to her; she was able to write, "Jesus, Jesus, how I trust him/ How I've proved him o'er and o'er." If, when we are tested, we respond by testing and proving the faithfulness of God, taking Him at his word, we will be able to say confidently with Job, "When he has tested me, I will come forth as gold."